After joining millions all over the world to watch the royal wedding in April when Prince William and Kate Middleton took their wedding vows at Westminster Abbey and after attending the Singles Programme organised by MFM UK on the 16th of July, I am inspired to put together this blog entry which speaks to all wives old or new.
When it comes to relationships, too often we take a look from the woman’s point of view and end up with conclusions based on a feminine perspective. To write this piece however, I have decided to see things from the man’s point of view by speaking to the married brothers in church and when men speak, they truly speak their mind. From our conversations, here are the ways a wife can keep her love life alive while married taken from a man’s point of view.
- Stop nagging and reduce the complaints: Every man wants a peaceful home filled with a peaceful wife and peaceful children. Nagging and complaining shatters the peace of a home. When a wife constantly repeats the things she finds unpleasant, when she frequently brings up the things she doesn’t like and when she often mentions what displeases her, such a wife is inviting bitterness, anger, frustration and lots of stress into her home while her marital relationship with her husband is in danger of becoming sore. Without a doubt, every marriage has its own challenges but to overcome nagging and complaining, the fruit of the Holy Spirit longsuffering is recommended. Longsuffering is the shock absorber that gives the grace to bear all things, to endure all things and to take the many things that marriage presents especially the things that we are not ready for. Long suffering is a real character builder which builds patience, courage, faith and hope.
- We need your support: The anxieties and worries of life have the tendency to keep us focused on today and tomorrow and if you get caught up in the race, it’s easy to lose your sense of values. This means men want their wives to understand that even though they are out there making a living which could mean they spend time away from the home, the children and their wives this doesn’t mean they don’t care or the home front is not important. Having a supportive and understanding wife takes away the guilt they already feel from being away from home and the children. Words of encouragement instead of words of condemnation go a long way in making husbands feel their commitment to playing their role is appreciated. Since what they go through out there in the real world to provide for the family is hard enough, it’s a welcome relief to be welcomed home pleasantly and treated with respect. A wife having the fruit of the spirit gentleness will be able to provide a relaxed atmosphere in her home. Gentle couples enjoy each other’s company and have taken time to develop a friendship. Gentleness not only brings peace, it strengthens your marital unity and builds a lasting bond.
- Learn to play and laugh: It’s been said that couples who play together stay together. Most men find it stressful if their wives take the serious approach and point of view all the time. This takes away light heartedness and usually results in a difficult wife who is not easily agreeable or approachable. Most men would like to relax, laugh, feel free and be comfortable with their wives but daily pressures sometimes prevent this from happening. When the fruits of the spirit peace and joy are in a marriage, there will be a relaxed atmosphere. A peaceful wife is not quarrelsome and she is a lover and not a fighter. A joyous wife is desirable because joy gives emotional balance. Happiness is dictated by the things that happen to you while joy is eternal because it comes from a relationship with Jesus. Joy and peace are sterling qualities which men would like their wives to have and practise. Peaceful husbands and peaceful wives raise happy children and build a content family.
- Don’t be too busy and learn to take a break: Overwhelming domestic responsibilities as well as work commitments can take a wife away from her husband. Men want their wives to be available not just for the kids, the home and their career but also for them. Husbands want their wives attention and desperately want them to take a break and spend some together as a couple. Marriage gets boring because couples take the focus off their own needs and attend to other things. A wife should make the effort and take the lead in making the marriage interesting. Believe it or not, men want you to come up with ideas of how to relax and spend time together without the kids so you can both take your mind off domestic and work responsibilities. The bible says that love is the most excellent way. To love each other excellently, couples must be prepared to devote the time and attention required.
- Be responsive: This is a vital area for most husbands and when it comes to sex, men want their wives to understand their need and how to fulfil it. This means a wife will be ready to please and delight her husband sexually while he in turn does the same. The Songs of Solomon is one of the most arousing books of the bible and even though it is spiritually referring to the deep and intense love of God, it’s one book of the bible that explores the depth of physical and emotional contact. Chapter after chapter, it talks about a man showing passionate intense love and feelings for a woman. This is the height couples should aspire to reach when it comes to showing affection and satisfying each other’s sexual needs. Being responsive means you are ready to give love to your husband and you are ready to receive love from him.
No matter how long you have been married, always remember a happy home and a stable marriage requires giving and taking, commitment, determination and hard work. Women have always been referred to as the builders of the home and the marriage so every time you decide to follow the 5 suggestions above, you are simply building your way to a fulfilling and rewarding marriage.
Our next blog entry on relationships looks at the womans point of view. Watch this space following my conversation with the sisters.
Click our sister blog “Women of His Kingdom” for more posts on relationships.